Screw you, magpie!

So I went to bed at 5 Sunday morning, only to be awoken three hours later by a strange fluttering sound. It made me kind of nauseated, the same way I get when I hear the flutters of a crane fly in the dark. But now it was bright morning, and the sound was louder. I walked towards the kitchen, suspicious and slovenly, only to face a magpie in hysterics. It flew back and forth, seemingly not finding the wide open window it had used to come inside. My immediate reaction was to raise my arms and scream “Ka!” loudly in the face of the flying terror, quickly running into the living room, and opening all windows, then making a semi circular movement back into the kitchen, once again screaming “KA!,” causing the magpie to leave the premises, leaving some shit on my window and my hallway carpet (which I put my bare foot in). The rest of the morning was ill spent with nightmares about magpies.
I’m such a fuckin’ pussy!

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